Just like the world is ours....

Today is a bright and sunny day for the midwest. It's one of those days that make you want to forget everything and just live in the moment. Forget that you have bipolar and that you're out of medication and have no money to buy more - forget that you already blew your diet and it's not even noon - forget that you're 70lbs overweight, all that crap that holds you down.

Instead of thinking about all this, I think I'll write another chapter in my novel. Get some cleaning done. Dance in my office. Go for a run so that I feel free and can forget.

Isn't that what we all try so very hard to do - forget - until life comes along and crashes us back to the ground?
We self medicate - with food, coffee, street drugs, sex. Just one more fix, then it'll all be fine.

But it's not fine.

Society says that we are less than normal. That because we need "drugs" to survive, then we are misfits. Not normal. After all, it really is society that holds us back. It's the "normal" that holds us back. Normality screams in our face - "being overweight is not good, not normal". God forbid that you put on that weight trying to become normal, between the meds and self medicating.

I actually read an article recently that said that it wasn't good for people "like us" to set new years resolutions - that they actually cause more depression when we don't accomplish them. Bullshit.

Depression is caused when we set goals too high for us, when we set goals that society wants us to set. Losing weight. Better job. More money. Less coffee (?!?!?).

Slow and steady ALWAYS wins the race.

So today, I'm going to forget about what society says. I'm gonna go for a run, dance, write, and dream about having a pet. I'm gonna blast Lady Gaga and Ke$ha. Oh, and probably dust. My house needs that. :)

Aurora

Over One Year

It's been over one year since I was admitted into the psych ward when I was suicidal.

Looking back at how far I've come is amazing.

I'm on new medication now, which I think I've mentioned. I'm not supposed to be seeing results for about four + weeks, but for now the outlook is great.

I went for a run tonight, not too long, just 1.25 miles (I think). My garmin is MIA (ie - in my car parked at work... we hope!) so I'm not sure how fast I was going or what distance was covered.

All I really know is that I got up to the speed that felt comfortable to me and ran it for two minutes on, two minutes off, for about 25 minutes. My goal is to work that up to 3 minutes on, two off for 45 minutes this week.

Also spent some time in bible study and outlining my novel. I've got up to chapter 12 outlined (eek!) and plan to start actually writing it this week.

This Week's Goals:

1. Spend time in the Word every day
2. Run 3x + this week
3. 3 gym sessions
4. Finish outlining my novel by Wednesday, start writing by Thursday

Huh, maybe I'm actually manic. 

Naw, it's just the new meds... right....?!? :P

Like I'd actually OBEY the doctor... sheesh

I went for a walk today. Nothing monumental - about 30 minutes each way to the library and back. Still, I'm lapping everyone around the coach. Yeah, after my black out I was restricted to my bed, the bathroom, and the coach for three days. Um, not happening. I figured walking on public roads with my cell phone I'd be safe enough. Um, not so much. I fell and twisted my ankle. And scraped up my knees. My ankle isn't hurt bad. In fact, I'm thinking about trying out a run tomorrow. According to my psych doctor I need to work on "stress management". Running is as good as anything to work on "stress management". At least in my book it is! I've got my ankle up a little bit, it's tender to the touch, but should be fine tomorrow.

So a little more about myself is in order. I'm bipolar with skitzo-effective disorder. Don't ask me how to spell that, I don't know. So I'm on like four different medications for it. My parents are really against my medications. My biggest support is my husband. Do I hope to be healed some day? Yes... but right now my meds are helping a lot so that's awesome.

But you know what? I'm confident that with running, therapy, and yes, some meds, I can enjoy a healthy, happy life.

That's the message that I want to spread with this blog - that people with Mental Illnesses can live healthy, happy, even NORMAL life... as long as we take care of ourselves and (mostly) follow our doctor's orders.

:P

Aurora

I am - (not)

So many times we start out our blogs with "I am" statements. "I am a - "

But let's get real. The way most of us Bipolars really think about ourselves is things like this -
"I am worthless"
"I am a burden"
"I am ugly"
"I am fat" (the joys of medication induced weight gain!)
"I am less than you"
"I am __________"

I want to start out this first post with some positive thinking.

I am worthy
I am strong
I am capable

Hi, my name is Aurora. I have bipolar, but I'm trying (oh so very hard) to not let it define me. I also want to get into shape and learn how to run. Now, as we all know, us bipolars make up our minds one day to do one thing, and the next to do something totally different. But I'm going to try really hard this time. (Isn't that what we all say though?) I have some 5ks and a 10k under my belt, so I know I can do this.
I'm on some new medicine - Limitral? - and I'm hoping that it helps and I can get off of the weight-gaining abilify.

There is so much I want to do, so much I want to be. But I've been letting Bipolar define me and hold me back. My biggest thing is that "I am Bipolar". But that's not entirely true. I might "have" bipolar, but bipolar does not define me unless I let it.

Follow my blog, let's encourage each other to be more than bipolar - and society - paints us.

Aurora